its been more than an month since my last post – actually its been 2 months since my last blog post….apologies, how time flies when you’re preparing for exams, working, procrastinating and living life. Excuses, excuses….yh yh yh BUT youwould have had this earlier if my laptop didn’t crash on me just as I was about to start typing this.
Moving on swiftly….I started this post a while ago but this topic has only come more apparent over the last few weeks. I’ve come to this place in my walk with God where I’m seeing Him more clearly, and by seeing Him more clearing I see myself more clearly. Ok where am I going with this? I’m not an open person, I find it really hard to express myself to most people so I have the habit of keeping a lot of things to myself. Or I’ll put on a facade as if everything is peachy, crack a few jokes, open a bottle of
wine coke and fake it til I make it? But God is bringing all these insecurities, miss-used emotions (don’t get it twisted God created emotions, but when emotions are used in the wrong context they reap havoc in our lives), offences, rejections and bad thoughts, to light and asking me to own my truth.
*Case study* Tito vs. Offence
Ok so myself and a person who shall not be named were friends and everything was peachy (see what I did there with the use of colour 😉 anywhoo..). An event occurred which ended up with me loosing something, and I went into offensive mode. But the scary thing is that my demeanour towards that person didn’t change, I was still smiling, laughing, cracking a few jokes, opening a bottle of coke etc etc…However on the inside I didn’t particularly like this person, it wasn’t hate and it wasn’t bitter (I’ll let you be the judge of that) but I wouldn’t particularly like to sit next to them on an 18-hour flight. I was so good at faking this friendship and being the great actor that I am I convinced myself that everything was cool,
but the thing with deception is that it can only take you so far….
This is how you know God has a sense of humour – after developing this offence I started to see this person EVERYWHERE like I was suffocated with this person’s presence. It was like any where I went this person would just happen to show up. The sad thing is that this person didn’t do anything wrong! (This makes me sound so bad). They were living life and I was living in misery.
So…. these appearances continued for a while and I decided to take it up with God.
When you’re offended it’s like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die – I was literally in self-destruct mode.
So I’m praying via thoughts and I’m like “God why are you doing this to me?” and I hear
“I need you to own your truth so we can move on”.
It was in that moment that I
realised accepted that I was actually offended. Since then it’s been a long journey letting go of certain things and moving on WITH God (that’s another post).
Another aspect to owning your truth is knowing what the truth is and what is the lie that you’re believing. i.e. saying that you are ugly is not you owning your truth, the truth is you are fearfully and wonderfully made!
But what am I trying to say, I understand we are not perfect people, we were made perfectly but sometimes life’s events and our environment can turn us ugly.
But we allow ourselves to remain ugly until we own our truth.
Personally this is not something I can do by myself – I need God! I need help! The thing about doing it with God is that He already sees the finished work, He’s your biggest cheerleader and He doesn’t leave you with an impossible task at hand and say go fix it the come back to me, He says “let me help”.
So if you’re like me and like to bury things within or you can resonate with anything I’ve said. I challenge you to own your truth with God and allow God to help you in this journey because lord knows we need Him!
peace and love. x
Faithfully Tito :)