What do you want?

Happy New Year!

So it’s officially 2018 and with each new year comes new opportunities to recreate yourself, improve and start with a clean slate. Whether it’s working on your relationship with God or starting a new diet to get that snatched waist you’ve been dreaming of – now presents the perfect opportunity to do so (even though technically you can start any day of the year *rolls eyes*). There is a general consensus that the new year = new me. Well, I don’t believe in New Year’s resolutions because it shouldn’t have to wait until the start of the year to actively change your current situation. However, over the past few weeks, I’ve been thinking about what I want. I don’t know if anyone can relate, but I find it hard to actually state what I want. I tend to question myself a lot, which is great but it leads indecisiveness which is just annoying. It’s important to define what you want unless you end up walking through life aimlessly and being blown in all types of direction. Mate, life is short and ain’t nobody got time to be wasting time.I believe there’s power in defining and writing down your goals.

And then God answered: “Write this.

Write what you see. Write it out in big block letter so that it can be read on the run.

(Habakkuk 2:2 MSG)

Quick testimony *cue church organs*When I was 13 I wrote my life goals on an A3 piece of paper as part of a school project. The paper hangs on the wall of my room in my parent’s house and I’ve been ticking them off and amending them as time goes by. It actually brings me joy cross things off the list. I still have a few things left on there such as: become a doctor (which is currently pending), become a billionaire (not sure of the status of this one) and get married (I’m still waiting on God to provide a boo 🙏🏾).But once I started uni and eventually moved out I didn’t see that poster, life happened and along with graduation came a huge cloud of uncertainty about what I want in life (another post for another day).So after some long deliberation I’ve written my priorities (goals) for this year and thought I’d share a few (in no particular order):

1. True to self

I often find myself downplaying my true nature because I don’t want to offend others or I’m trying to fit into my surroundings. Not only is this tiring but it’s the biggest waste of time. God did not create us to be anyone else but ourselves, only you can be you – we don’t need 2 Beyoncé’s or Michelle Obama’s in this world. One you is enough and the world needs it! I’m realising that ‘living my best life means being my best self’, and how can you accomplish that without being true to who you are.‘True to self’ also means not valuing the opinions of others over yourself. It’s so easy to become self-conscious that it paralyses you from living your life. ‘If I do this I will offend X’ or ‘ I can’t do that because people will think this’. People are temporary and opinions change, at the end of the day, it’s you that will live with the consequences. People pleasing hides the real you and it ultimately comes down to loving yourself because the more you love yourself the less nonsense you will tolerate. One of my favourite quotes by Audre Lorde says

“If I didn’t define myself for myself, I would be crunched into other people’s fantasies for me and eaten alive.”

2. God I’m ready

I’ll be lying to you if I said my relationship with God is popping. Honestly, I’ve been treating God like a side chick. I find myself close to him when I’m in trouble but when life is sweet I’m like ‘God who? 🤔🤔’. This has been one of the reasons why my blog posts stopped in 2017, originally this was supposed to be a Christian style blog and I didn’t have the energy to pretend to be something I’m not. So….currently I’m at a place in my life where I know I need a real relationship with God – really don’t know what that truly looks like but God I’m read.I just pray that he will give me grace because I need it and that he will steer me in the direction he wants me to go.

3. Stop lying

Yoooooo guys I actually lie 😭😭

and it’s annoying because I never mean to but I realise that one lie tends to lead to another. Don’t get it twisted, it’s not an everyday thing but I’ve noticed that when I get nervous, start to feel insecure or I’m too scared to say what’s on my mind, I’ll lie to impress or appease – – anything to avoid conflict. I hate it and it’s a habit I need to break 🙈🙈, it really tarnishes your character and creates conflict within yourself, I don’t want to be known as ‘the lying friend’.

4. Save Save Sav£

By the way, I got into medical school (finally going to achieve my dream) but 2017 threw so many curve balls that my savings are non-existent. Dreams are costly,😭😭 to make the long story short, I have to pay for my degree because it’s my second degree. Student loans are not coming to the rescue, that means within the next 5 years I need to pay £45k towards my tuition and lord only knows how much I need for living expenses (God help me!). I don’t know how or where I’m going to find that money from but I do know I need to start saving now!!!

The fact that I’m currently working in finance should mean that my accounts are in order and my savings are intact but the reality is far from this. I have a habit of buying random stuff and don’t get me started on how much I spend on food!! A major priority going forward IN LIFE is financial security and financial health, it’s so easy to fall in debt and spend more than you actually have but I’m learning to save now and benefit later. It’s not every sale I must shop in and I shouldn’t eat out multiple times in a week because I can’t be bothered to cook.

Chef Tito needs to be revived.

5. Skrr skrrr

So I learnt to drive whilst at university (almost 2 years ago) but I haven’t done my theory or my actual exam. Not only does driving give you a huge sense of independence but it’s a vital skill I’ll need. This is just another example of where I have lacked consistency/follow through – another bad habit of mine. Laziness tends to usher in stagnancy which leads to frustration. I have a list of things I’ve started that need finishing or follow through, this blog is a prime example. My aim is to pass my driving test before my 24th birthday in July, create quality blog posts twice a month, work on my vlogs and genuinely finish what I start.

These are a few things generalised things on my list. I have a more detailed list which I will be ticking off as I achieve these goals. What are your goals going forward this year? Try writing them down and keeping it somewhere visible. To those who already do this, any tips on keeping consistent, let me know🙋🏾‍♀️.Love Tito💋

9 thoughts on “What do you want?

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